One-Eyed Jacks

This recipe comes by way of my good friend Styles, who uses the simplest of ingredients for a quick, healthy breakfast that will please everyone from cherub-faced wee ones to hungover household hippies:

You will need:

- 1 egg
- 1 slice bread, any type
- Butter
- Salt & pepper
- 1 drinking glass (the mouth should be smaller than a slice of bread)
- Cutting board or clean level surface

Directions:

- Preheat a pan or griddle to medium-high
- Lay slice of bread on cutting board
- Turn glass upside-down and carefully cut a circle in the bread using a twisting motion
- Lightly butter the pan
- Briefly lay slice of bread in pan to soak up some butter, then flip to soak other side
- Crack egg into the "eye" of the bread and cook for 2-3 mins
- Flip with a spatula to cook other side for another minute
- Season to taste and serve with a side of hash browns

Optional:

- Try melting a slice of cheese on the one-eyed jack and serve with hot salsa
- For a sweet n' salty variation, try using cinnamon raisin bread

Griddle Timing

Greetings, Hungry Readers!

In the time since my last post I have become a father. Another wonderful mouth to feed! Although my son's breakfasts currently consist of mother's milk, I can't help but ponder what delectable secrets will unfold in our future kitchen: will he want waffles? prefer pancakes? seek out cereal? ogle an oversized omelette? The mind reels...

But today my mind drifts to matters of the griddle. I watch countless families and friends prepare pancakes for their morning meal on many a Sunday morning, and it prompts me to pontificate what separates a light n' fluffy flapjack from a burnt-out charcoaled disk of batter unsuitable for knife or fork? The answer quite often lies not in the ingredients, type of pan or cooking medium, but in that most elusive and intangible of all elements of not only breakfast, but as well of life: timing.

It is important to remember that a hot griddle (or pan) has a beautiful temperature arc: the heat gathers slowly throughout the metal surface, mantains an even keel at its maximum setting, and retains its warmth in a slow decay long after the knob is turned off.

It's elementary to say that at different points along this heat curve, your pancakes will turn out differently. That's why the first batch always seems to lull even the most experienced flapper into a false sense of security about how quickly his cakes will cook! It is easily assumed that three minutes will be enough to produce a perfectly golden-brown confection; during the next round, as the heat rises on the surface of the pan, those same three minutes are just enough time to blacken your hotcakes like a Cajun catfish, rendering them inedible for even the most iron of stomachs.

A good rule of thumb is to do the "drop water" test: when you feel the griddle has reached its peak temp, splash a drop of water from your fingers onto the surface; it should skid across and sizzle away in seconds. The first batch should be even-steven, and it just gets better from there.

Don't be afraid to let the first batch go "to the dogs"; if all else fails, try, try again, and keep one eye and ear to the griddle at all times. Now I've got to go change some diapers, so keep those cakes hot until I get back!

New Year Message 2007

Dear Readers,

Welcome to another exciting year on Earth! This revolution 'round the Sun looks promising as we prepare for no fewer than 365 breakfasts, each one unique and mouth-watering. I began this day off with a trip to Belgium in my waffle-maker, with a side of relatively healthy turkey bacon, bananas, grapes, a glass of OJ & some bold Kenyan coffee!

The first day of January is a special time of year; a time to look ahead at all the calendar will bring. I urge you to keep reading, keep eating, and keep inventing. Despite the millions of breakfasts that have been created over the years, the possibilities have not been exhausted - get out there and try something out, and if you're feeling adventurous, write it down & submit it to this blogozine.

My goal for the year is to increase the amount of breakfast awareness out there, to allow our fellow breakfast-lovers the forum to share, learn, reveal, and feast on information, that which will lead to a tastier 2007!

Happy New Year, and remember that Breakfast is the most important Magazine of the day!

R.P. Long, Jr.
Editor

Holiday $%*^&@# Fruitcake

submitted by Renee Baker, Media, PA

With the holidays coming, here's a fruitcake recipe that will help take the
stress out of this normally stressful time:

Ingredients:

1 cup water
1 cup sugar
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit
1 tsp salt
1 cup brown sugar
3 oz lemon juice
1 cup nuts
1 gallon Smirnoffs Vodka

First, sample the vodka to check for freshness.
Take a large bowl.
Check the vodka again to be sure it is of the highest quality. You know we
cannot trust those Russians.
Pour 1 level cup of the vodka and drink it. Repeat.
Repeat again.

Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add
water, eggs and 1 tsp sugar and beat again. Make surr the vodka is still OK.
Cry another tup.
Turn off mixers.
Chuck in the cup of dried fruit or something.
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets struck on the beaterers, pry it loose with a
drewsciver.
Sample the vodka to check for tonsistancity.
Next, sniff two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares?
Check the vodka.
Now sniff the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table spoon of sugar or something. Whatever.
Grease the oven.
Turn the cake tin 350 degrees.

Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Whip the bowl out the window.
Check the vodka again.

Go to bed.

Who the hell likes $%^&*! fruitcake anyway?

Diner Review: Logan Tavern

Logan Tavern
Washington, DC
Sunday, November 12, 2006

This cozy old-fashioned bar in DC's hip Dupont Circle neighborhood has an atmosphere equally at home under the stars on a populous Saturday night peppered by pick-up lines as a rainy Sunday morning, welcoming the same crowds lovingly back to eat away a hangover. This morning, timing was key as we found our way to the bar; a table wait was at least 15 minutes, and the swelling masses streaming in behind us left no uncertainty that beggars can't be choosers.

The first telltale sign of brunch was a perfectly prepared pint of Bloody Mary resting on the bar, one that would have made Frank Sinatra proud. We sat on the stools, sated by fresh sourdough bread and coffee. Our server presented us with a substantial menu that included many delicious brunch and lunch items. Brunch won out in the end, and we settled on the bacon-and-swiss omelet, the pecan-caramel French toast, and the classic steak and eggs.

The high-ceilinged room easily handled the murmur of the tables, the full bar and the standing room foyer, owing to its sturdy 1930's speakeasy charm. The food quickly arrived, the speed of its preparation in no way hampering its quality. The omelet was full, with a great egg-to-filling ratio, the bacon speading generously to its edges. The French toast prompted the simple response: "Oh wow!" The steak arrived on time with the eggs, cooked to perfect tenderness and offered with steak sauce. Seasoned home fries in a medley of sauteed peppers and onions, and juicy grapefruits and oranges rounded out the dishes.

Bottomless coffee can make for great conversation, assisting to bring back even the most sluggish diner from the dead. The bartender kept it flowing, a rich blend that was a head above typical watered-down diner fare.

The meal ended nicely, not too long but just enough to stave away the cold, wet concrete morning with the hearty warmth of a familiar neighborhood hang-out. A classic brunch that one does not soon forget!

Visitors can find the Logan Tavern at 1423 P St., NW, Washington, DC 20005, or on the web at www.logantavern.com.

Rock n' (Pork) Roll

Have you ever wondered what pork roll is? Have you ever wondered what a hot dog is made out of? Let's stop there, before things get too far too soon. You see, pork roll may technically be pork, but it also may contain something else entirely: magic!

The words mystery and meat often go together with a negative connotation, but in pork roll's case, it's a tantalizing delight! On many breakfast tables, bacon and sausage rule the roost; occasionally a steak may rear its head against some fried eggs, and scrapple does make the cut now and again. But let pork roll poke its snout in there once in a while, and before long you'll be hooked.

Pork roll is a fascination to watch. Out of the package, it bears a resemblance to Canadian bacon: round, sliced, and bologna-like. But watch it cook! Throw it in a greased pan or in a microwave on HIGH, and it bells up like the bottom of a plunger, sizzling and smelling like a slice of heaven. I tend to make an radial incision to prevent too much belling; I like my pork roll flat!

Just one bite makes one experience sweet, salty goodness; much milder than that of bacon, more subtle than sausage or scrapple, more succulent than steak - you've got the fever: Pork Roll Fever!

(While it is not the policy of BM to endorse any one product over another, this reporter does enjoy Taylor's Pork Roll as his pork roll of choice - it's my czjauhn!)

Goat Cheese Omelette

submitted by Jeff Wolfe, King of Prussia, PA

A recipe for the kind of omelette that you make for breakfast or brunch on a Sunday morning or early afternoon, and you end up not having to eat anything the rest of the day 'cause it’s so rich n' satisfying!

When I thought about writing this down, I immediately got discouraged; all I know how to do is to throw the ingredients together and make a couple of omelettes from it.

First, I hesitate to put exact measurements in this recipe. I give a basic guideline, then you get to do your own thing, and put more or less of a certain thing, whatever that may be, in or out of the mix. Clear? Good!

Second, I make no claims of dietary benefit/damage/excess in regards to the recipe. It does have some healthy stuff in it, but who knows if it’s still healthy when you combine it with other not-so-healthy stuff!

Finally, I didn’t learn this recipe from anyone - I made it up. I may have been hung over when I did. I’m not sure. I encourage you to add, subtract, omit, etc. anything you want in the preparation/presentation/seasoning/combination of this dish. Hopefully, if you do decide to experiment with this particular dish in such a fashion, it may even inspire you to make up your own recipe. Or not. Whatever. Isn’t that what America is all about?

Peace in the Middle East,

Jeff

Ingredients (for approximately two omelettes):

- 6 eggs or so
- A splash of milk per omelette
- 1/2 red onion
- 1/2 Vidalia or sweet, white type onion
- 1 shallot bulb
- 1-2 garlic bulbs (or some pre-chopped garlic that comes in a jar or something)
- 1-2 vine-ripened tomatoes (Roma or Hothouse are good)
- Handful of fresh basil (or oregano)
- Teaspoon or so of olive oil
- 4 oz. or so smoked salmon
- One of those logs of goat cheese

Preparation:

Chop, dice, or cut up the onions, garlic and shallots. In a pan over medium heat, sauté with olive oil until translucent (a little clear, not browned). Set aside.

While this cooks, dice tomato and pluck basil from stem and chop lightly.

In a bowl, whisk up 2-3 eggs, using a splash of milk to fluffify. Add tomato and basil to mixture.

In omelette pan, use a non-stick vegetable spray on the surface. Over medium heat (important - you don’t wanna burn the son of a gun!), pour egg, tomato and basil mixture in pan. Use a spatula to continuously poke at the egg surface, creating holes for the runny parts to fill up. This insures your omelette isn’t too undercooked on the inside.

When egg mixture is nearly cooked (barely any runny stuff on top), then place the onion, shallot and garlic mixture on one half of omelette, along with the smoked salmon (slightly torn apart in pieces) and the goat cheese.

Use spatula to fold omelette over in half, let cook for additional 30 seconds on each side. Put directly on plate and feast on my brother, feast on.

Serve with coffee and try to watch some football or something. This is food for the weekend, my friend!

Entertaining Large Groups For Breakfast

I’ve always enjoyed the family atmosphere of breakfast. Whether with your actual family, or an assortment of people that you happen to be waking up with on any given morning, breakfast is more fun when there’s more than one! There are stories to share, problems to ponder, jokes to tell, dreams to discuss, and of course, delicious foods to devour as you get to know your fellow humans over a nice morning or afternoon meal.

Getting people together is easy: just tell them you’re cooking! But planning and pulling off a successful breakfast or brunch with your family, friends and neighbors can be a headache unless you know a few simple tips to keep a fun morning just that!

1) Have more than enough food on hand. Think about your meal the night before and pick up a few things to stock the fridge with. That way you’ll be ready if you wake up late or hung over. If you’re an early riser, you can hit the store before people wake up or arrive. In either case, always plan on people eating seconds! It’s also a good idea to have variety; with a large group, you’ll want to have something on hand for everyone, so try to imagine what everyone there would like to eat for breakfast.

2) Delegate responsibility. There is nothing harder than juggling 15 billiard balls. Confide your talents, hopes and expectations in a select few that will act as your breakfast team. Choose people that have special aptitudes; for example, the "coffee maker”, the “egg man”, the "bacon lady” and the “flap Jack”. Put someone in charge of bagels and juice. Place a trusted soul at the helm of the S.S. Cutting Board. Some people relish the responsibility of setting the table, or simply cooling the hotheads in the other room demanding to know when breakfast will be ready.

3) Keep the non-cooks out of the kitchen. Have a play room or conversation room set up for your guests so they can have a great morning without feeling like they have to hover around the pots and pans, back-seat cooking, drooling or picking at the food before its time. Set up a stereo and have some comfy pillows and chairs strewn about. This step is important for you, so you can get what you need to get done, and as a bonus it adds mystery and “chef’s secrets” as part of your breakfast’s allure.

4) Containers, containers, containers. As food items get cooked and done, you will want lots of these on hand to keep things fresh and together. Try to coordinate things to be ready simultaneously. For instance, the eggs, potatoes, bacon, toasted, and griddle items will need to be kept warm, so use oven space wisely. Juices and coffees can be put into pitchers and carafes, and hot dishes should be covered, so hunt down all those lids or just use an overturned plate.

5) When breakfast is ready, have a serving system. Once this is established, then you can grab the triangle, ring it loud and proclaim “COME AND GIT IT!” But not before. It’s wise to let the guests serve themselves buffet-style, just make sure everybody gets some the first time around.

6) Enlist a clean up crew. Try not to let this part get you down. Meals make messes, and you can make light of it by getting folks to help in the kitchen after breakfast is over. Pick out some guests that didn’t help with the cooking, that way everyone gets to contribute. *Note to dishwasher owners: You Lucky Stiffs.

7) Donations are appreciated. These grand meals do not come cheaply, and chances are your guests know it. If you feel uncomfortable shilling for dollars, you could place a donation jar in an obvious location and occasionally and loudly refer to it (I like to start the ball rolling myself by putting in a $10 or a $20 – people get the hint and will usually join in) As the host or hostess, you’ll most likely “eat” some of the costs, but you might receive an invitation to somebody else’s meal someday!

S'more Pancakes

In honor of the first day of Autumn: a leaf-crunchin', fire-cracklin' recipe from Down Under:

You'll need:
- 1 pkg. graham crackers (sugg: w/cinnamon), crushed
- 4-7 large-sized Hershey bars, crushed
- 1 pkg. marshmallows, crushed
- Pancake batter (sugg: bottled mix - just add water!)

This recipe is quite easy! Preheat your pan on medium-high and grease thoroughly with a pad of butter when hot. Add premixed pancake batter of your choice. Liberally add graham cracker in a circle on the wet mix. Next add marshmallow, then chocolate in the same manner. Allow the ingredients to soak through the wet mix to the center of the hot cake. Flip when browned. Brown until desired. Remove. Serve hot with syrup if desired. Smoke pot. Relax.

submitted by Terry Wompelstomp, Queensland, AUS
Author, "Breakfast In The Bush"

Frozen Juice Is Still Juice

Whether you are preparing a monumental, continental, or elemental breakfast, you've got to consider the liquid portion of the meal: beverages. Now, coffee and tea are musts, and water is a plus, but have you ever stopped to think of a less heralded quencher for your thirst? Juice. Juice often gets discounted because of its expense and inconvenience. After all, someone's gotta squeeze all that fruit, right?

Wrong. Many purists belive that fresh-squeezed is the only way to go, and they've got a point, with taste and nutrition being at their highest. Then you have the store-bought variety, with its ease and availability; premixed, not from concentrate, calcium-enriched, the list goes on and on.

But another option awaits juice lovers out there, one that may sound unsavory but holds an important place in the breakfast echelon: frozen juices. These compact, inexpensive cylinders contain delicious, vitamin-packed juice, much like their half-gallon cousins, and they take up less space in your icebox!

I always keep about 3 or 4 varieties on hand at all times: orange, apple, grape, lemonade, cran-apple, cran-grape, straw-cran-apple-grape-cherry lemonade, it's all lip-smacking good and just the thing to wash down oatmeal, omelettes, hash browns and bacon on a sunny morning!

Now I'm not telling you to throw your citrus in the trash and pour your Tropicana down the sink. But just like fire extinguishers, flashlights, and flare guns, trust me - you'll want to keep a few of these babies in your freezer in case of a juice emergency!

Home on the Range

by Amanda Modrovsky

Americans are increasingly eating breakfast en route to work or school instead of at home. Breakfast has become a compulsory act of the morning race, much like brushing your teeth while drying your hair. Gone are the days of the nuclear family sitting around the table sipping java, reading the paper, and touching base before the busy day begins; some days so busy that these moments may be the only interaction a family has until the next morning!

Instead, we join the queue of the nearest drive-thru window for that 64-oz mocha java decaf iced latte with skim milk and 7 sweeteners. Or perhaps we skid into a convenience store parking lot to dance around the coffee island, shaking sugar packets and tilting creamer containers to find that last drop of Irish Cream to temper the bitter dregs of the “regular” pot.

But don’t these mornings become a wash of sticky coffee amoebas and crumbs on the floor mat? Why not set the alarm for 30 minutes earlier or, if you’re like me, hit snooze only once rather than 4 times? Here are six compelling reasons to slow down your morning and make each breakfast part of a day in your life, rather than a blur in the rear view mirror.

1) Save money. Consider this proposition: Set aside whatever amount you think you would spend in a week on your commuter breakfast (usually between $3-5 per day for coffee and a quickie sandwich, danish or donut). At the beginning of the week, buy what you would enjoy for breakfast if you were to eat at home each day, and save the receipts. Eat breakfast at home for that entire week. At the end of the week, compare the amount saved in your commuter pot to the amount you spent on an entire week’s worth of breakfasts. You’ve likely spent only half as much eating at home and you probably have food left to last through the weekend too!

2) Your car is not the kitchen table. How many of you can flash to that moment when hot coffee spilled over the “travel” mug lid onto the floor, and you were no longer looking at the road nor did you have two hands on the wheel or anywhere near it? Or perhaps your jelly donut just relieved itself of its contents while on your way to a business presentation? Add to the equation a cell phone, screaming kids, a spouse, and a carpooler, and you have one big mess and possibly the ire of the person in front of you that you just rear-ended trying to avert disaster! At home, you can change that soiled shirt quickly and you’re less likely to spill your coffee when your kitchen table isn’t moving in traffic.

3) Time well spent. These days, most adults and children have an overwhelming schedule from dawn till dusk. Sometimes a half hour in the morning is the only time a family may have to spend together at all before the next morning’s meeting. Why not do it around the table rather than the stick shift? Morning is a time when people are unburdened by the day’s events and more focused on the conversation at hand. Even if you’re the only dweller at your domain, reading the paper and relaxing over breakfast is time much better spent than holding coffee in one hand, a cell phone in the other and driving with your knees. Even on public transportation, you're unlikely to find a cup holder or tray for your repast.

4) Home is where the heart is. And that heart is less likely to be clogged by cholesterol and disease if you take time to prepare a healthy meal at home. Compare your Boston crème donut to a bowl of oatmeal with fresh fruit, or egg whites with hearty vegetables or salsa. Consider fresh coffee made within the hour, not the last 24. Eating at home can mean more and better choices over the long run. Granted, some of you may reach for the toaster-ready processed food, but if you’re making the effort to cook and eat at home, you’re more likely to seriously consider what you’re preparing.

5) To eat or not to eat, there is no question. With all the trends in eating and wellness, perhaps the most tried and true commandment is Eat Thy Breakfast. If you’re running late for work or school, you probably won’t eat at all until lunch; an empty stomach will wreak havoc on your energy levels until then. Keep a few items on hand for these mornings: peanut butter and jelly, yogurt, bananas and/or high fiber toast. You can still eat at home quickly, and it will get you to work faster than trying to save 10 minutes for grabbing something on the way.

6) Save the planet. Consider your daily trips to the fast food mart or restaurant and then think about what you take away each time: a foam coffee cup and/or juice container, a paper or plastic wrapper and a plastic bag to carry it all. This refuse is less likely to be recycled than the items you bought for home. Usually, you’ll toss that bag of trash into the bin on your way to work or at the car wash when you rid your car of a month’s worth of fast-food mornings. Neither is as likely to have separate trash bins for recycling as you might have in your own home - hopefully you’re adhering to a preordained recycling program at home so that your oatmeal container, egg crate, milk carton and orange juice bottle can all be found in the future someplace other than the local landfill.

Mickey Mouse Pancakes

This is a good morning surprise for the kiddies, who will instantly recognize the breakfast version of our favorite cartoon rodent. When making pancakes, pour the batter for a large, head-size pancake and two smaller, attached ear cakes.

Make a face with raisins or chocolate chips (Fig. 1) Take care when flipping that the ears stay on! Serve on a place face up with a healthy side of hash browns and some maple syrup.

Dial "BM" for Bloody Mary

Fernand Petiot, an ex-pat who bartended at Harry’s New York Bar in Paris in the 1920’s, is credited with inventing the legendary Bloody Mary.

The story goes that when he mixed tomato juice and vodka, a patron suggested that the drink be named the Bloody Mary, because it reminded him of the Bucket of Blood Club in Chicago, and a girl there named Mary. Another account is that the drink is named for Bloody Mary herself: Queen Mary I, famous for her persecution of the Protestants.

The drink quickly became popular in the US when Petiot began bartending at the St. Regis Hotel, and spiced it up for his classy New York clientele.

These days the Bloody Mary can be enjoyed in many manifestations – with beer instead of tomato juice, extra spicy peppers, or even yogurt. The bottom line is use your imagination. Tomato juice (or perhaps clamato juice) can stand up to a lot of experimentation, so have fun!

Source: http://www.drinksmix.net/bloody_mary_history.htm

Here's the classic Bloody Mary recipe. Enjoy!

1 1/2 ounces (1 jigger) vodka
1/2 cup tomato juice
2 teaspoons fresh lemon juice
Worcestershire sauce to taste
Tabasco to taste
1 celery stick for garnish
1 lemon wedge for garnish

Combine vodka, tomato juice, lemon juice, Worcestershire sauce, Tabasco, 1 cup ice cubes, and salt and pepper to taste, shake the mixture well, and strain it into a tall glass filled with ice cubes. Garnish the Bloody Mary with celery stick and lemon wedge. Serves 1.

Nutrition Alley

My job requires me to be alert and attentive at all times. I am a Registered Dietitian currently working as a Physician's Assistant in another field of health care. Working in health care is very challenging. It is necessary for me to listen to my patients carefully and to provide them with the best care possible. Every day I do something necessary to carry out my daily responsibilities: I eat breakfast.

Today we are all too quick to run out of the house in the morning without eating breakfast. Many of us live busy lifestyles and don’t consider breakfast to be an essential part of the day. What we don’t think about is our body’s need to start the day off right. I like to call it fuel for the day.

Our bodies need food for energy. Without it, we become weak and lethargic. Individuals who eat breakfast are more aware of their surroundings and have less difficulty carrying out their daily responsibilities. People that do not eat breakfast are more irritable and unpleasant throughout the day. I don’t know about you, but I would like my family and coworkers to think of me as pleasant. So get off to a good start. Eat breakfast and your body will feel the difference. You will have more energy and most of all, so will your brain.

Breakfast should be a well-balanced meal containing a starch, meat, fruit, vegetable, and a dairy product. Ideally we would all have one hour a day to devote to making a homemade breakfast and then sitting down to eat it. This might include French toast, pancakes, waffles, eggs, and of course, freshly squeezed orange juice. Realistically, you may have to leave the big projects for your days off. Here is an idea of a quick well-balanced breakfast:

- Oatmeal (1 min. to prepare; 1:30 min. in the microwave)
- Scrambled Egg Beaters (No prep, just pour. 5 min. in a standard frying pan)
- Add vegetables to the Egg Beaters. Buy a frozen package of mixed vegetables.
- A container of yogurt (No prep, just eat)
- Cup of orange juice (Not freshly squeezed)

If you multitask while making this breakfast, it should take you no longer than 5-7 minutes. You will even have time to sit down and enjoy it.

Erin Burns
Registered Dietitian

Scrapple: Myth vs. Reality

To many, scrapple is a dark, vile, breakfast mystery meat, endlessly passed over in the grocery aisles, shunned on diner menus, and picketed at the processing plants. Over the years, scrapple’s reputation has been tarnished by so much bad information. It’s time to set the record straight, and bring the love back to scrapple by setting the BM spotlight on some harsh myths perpetuated by the haters:

Myth: Scrapple is just horrible meat scraps left over from the slaughter machines pressed, packaged, and sold on the open market to fools.

Reality: Although scrapple is technically made from such previously thought unusable meat leftovers as pig snouts and hooves, cow necks, chicken feet, and a variety of gizzards and tongue parts, there are craftspeople who carefully devise the correct portions of these items into a creatively concocted blend that will satisfy even the most hardened critic.

Myth: Scrapple is for rednecks and inbred three-toothed losers living in trailer parks.

Reality: In truth, people from every walk of life live, love, and breathe scrapple, from supermodels to garbage collectors, from celebrities to hobos, from Maine to Mississippi. Scrapple is a great unifier on so many levels.

Myth: Scrapple is mushy and tastes like solidified vomit.

Reality: As with many things in life, it’s not the product that lacks, but the producer! People eat scrapple prepared in a variety of ways; my favorite is sliced thin and pan-fried to a crisp, with a side of ketchup for dippin’!

Myth: Scrapple should be banned from the breakfast table.

Reality: If you ban scrapple, what’s next? Cantaloupe? Corn flakes? Wheat germ?? I say, make my breakfast table a microcosm of utopic society. One where every food has its place in the great cornucopia. Where all foods may be open, vulnerable, and savory; living harmoniously until hastily devoured by a hungover college student in some diner.

Breakfast in Puerto Rico

(with consultation from Tiffany Ledesma Groll)

In Puerto Rico they say the sun always shines, except when it’s raining. Well, even when it rains, the morning always shines with breakfast in this island country. Although Puerto Ricans favor lunch and dinner as the specialty meals, what is a morning without breakfast? The answer is nada. Let’s explore behind the pantries and cocinas of Puerto Rico…

A simple breakfast in Puerto Rico may consist of two kinds of delicious pastries. The first is called a mallorca (my-YOUR-ka). This is a light sweet bread pastry topped with confectioners’ sugar. The other is a flaky, sweet pastry with a cheese filling called a quesito (kay-SEE-toe). Both would be naked, of course, without an eye-opening café con leche (kah-FEY-kohn-LEH-chay), or strong, rich coffee served with milk.

Bread is a typical part of a Puerto Rican breakfast, and if you’re in the casa or on the go, you might want to taste a tostada (toe-STAH-da). A tostada is made up of pan de agua (PAHN-day-AH-guah), which might be compared to a French Bread baguette, a fresh loaf of lusciousness and simplicity that is served flat and hot. The tostada is pressed in a double-sided grill, toasted and smuttered in butter. Have another coffee with that, ¡por favor!

If your appetite won’t let you go until lunchtime, then a revoltillo (reh-bohl-TEE-yo) might hit the spot. In this dish, eggs are scrambled in a pan, and chopped ham, onions, cheese, and possibly peppers are added to make a hearty meal that can be accompanied by a tostada.

Or perhaps you might skip breakfast in Puerto Rico, and drink café until noon, when scents of a nice lunch would no doubt be wafting amidst the towns and beaches. But I’ll be up early, waiting to eat a revoltillo and a few quesitos. And be ready for lunch and dinner. ¡Buen Provecho!

Espreggo!

If you only have 60 seconds in which to make scrambled eggs, please look no further - you have found your recipe (you need access to an espresso maker). First, crack an egg into a cup or mug. Beat thoroughly with fork. Next, steam the egg on the espresso valve, as you would milk for cappuccino, drawing the cup quickly as the egg fluffs and fills the cup. Scoop out onto bread or plate and consume wildly.

Kids Korner

Q: Why did the breakfast chef go to jail?
A: Because he beat the eggs and whipped the cream!
-submitted by Styles, age 31

Q: Why did the boy throw margarine out the window?
A: Because he wanted to see the butter fly!
-submitted by Rory, age 11

The Perfect Apple Pancakes

Have you ever heard the saying, “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree”? It’s true, so if you find a tree you won’t have to go far to harvest some of this season’s best natural product: apples. These crunchy delights are the perfect accompaniment to a batch of golden pancake batter, but cooking them can often be far from perfect. Anyone that’s tried knows that the fruit can cause major problems in the pan, leaving your loved ones to grimace as they choke down burnt, soggy, heavy or gooey flapjacks just to spare your feelings. So how can you prepare these goodies without making a mess of your morning?

First, start with the ripest, juiciest, most colorful apples you can find - if not directly from the orchard, then at your local grocery store. Make sure they don’t have lumps, bruises, or wormholes, and gently squeeze and smell each one to make certain you’re taking home the best. There are many varieties: McIntosh, Golden Delicious, Granny Smith, and so on; just pick your favorite or grab a mixed bag! The second element is no less important: the batter. Use pre-mixed if you’re a kitchen klutz, or grandma’s family recipe for the more advanced, but however you make it, give it love, and be sure not to overstir!

Now the tricky part: how to cut the apples. You have some choices here - I like to cut thin slices, as chunks or thick cuts will keep the surface of the cakes from touching the pan. Cut the apple in half lengthwise, then carefully pare out the seeds and rough stuff. Don’t hold the apple in your hand as you cut, Rambo - that's what cutting boards are for. The sharper the knife, the easier this step will be. Place the flat edge of a half down on the board. (You can leave the skin on or take it off, but it is the healthiest part!) Now cut THIN slices until you get it all, maybe 10-12 slices per half. Note: try not to have too many slices going at one time, as the unused ones will start to brown. It helps to have a friend cut as you cook for maximum freshness.

Now you’re ready!

Pour a medium-sized pancake onto a hot griddle (medium-high), and lay apple slices down over the batter. Gently push them into the pancake with a spoon, so when you flip it, the other side will get properly cooked. Let your flapjack cook a minute or two until edges are dry, then using a spatula, flip once (daredevils can do the panhandle toss - just be ready to give that one to the family dog if you miss!). Cook for another minute or two, and then off onto a plate. Cover it up and repeat as many times as you want until you’re ready to eat!

Other, controversial methods of apple cutting involve cubing, dicing, or even shredding, but at some point you begin to lose the spirit, or "chi" of the apple, even though the taste remains. Top your creations off with a little cinnamon, sugar, syrup, jelly, or anything else - have some fun with it! Enjoy the fruits of the season as often as you can, because as another saying goes, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away,” and that’s a good thing with today’s rising medical costs.

Johnny's Porridge

(from Johnny's Diner in Newton Center, MA)

Ingredients:

- 3/4 cup rolled oats (old fashioned type - absolutely NOT the quick cook kind!)
- 1 small apple, cored and chopped (preferably tart, like a Braeburn or Granny Smith, leave skin on)
- 1/4 cup raisins
- 1/4 cup dried sweetened cranberries
- 1-1/2 cups water
- dash salt (optional)

Directions:

- Put water in medium pot. Add salt if desired. Bring to a rolling boil on stovetop
- Slowly stir in oats, apple pieces, raisins, cranberries
- Very briefly return to boil and stir. Reduce heat to medium-low, cover
- Cook covered about 5 minutes, stirring once (try not to burn it, jackass)
- Turn off heat. Leave covered for about 3 minutes
- Serve in ceramic bowl
- Consider adding a splash of milk or maybe a bit of brown sugar and cinnamon
- Enjoy

Note: If you'd like, any dried fruits can be substituted for the cranberries and raisins - BM especially recommends dried bing cherries

submitted by Michael Long, Basking Ridge, NJ